When we get married, we don’t just get to share the rest of our life with that special someone, but oftentimes, we have to make room in our life for a whole new family. While some people seem to get along perfectly with their in-laws, there are also those who struggle to keep things under control.
Hi, Tom! We’re glad that you shared your story with us. Your situation is challenging, but we believe it can be resolved. We at Bright Side discussed it for hours, and here’s what we came up with.
- Have a serious talk with your wife. Calmly explain to her how uncomfortable you feel because of their lack of boundaries, and make it clear that your privacy and peace of mind are very important to you.
- Try to understand your in-law’s perspective. They’ve become grandparents for the first time recently, so that must be a huge change for them as well, not just for you and your wife. Of course, they should be able to see their grandchild whenever they want, but making a quick call or sending a message beforehand shouldn’t spoil their enjoyment. So we don’t think you’re being unreasonable.
- Try apologizing for yelling at them, but not for wanting them to respect your house rules. Make it clear that you’re sorry for appearing rude and raising your voice, but that their behavior is completely unacceptable for you and your wife.
- Explain to them how your daily routine has changed since you became a father. Tell them that you appreciate their desire to help with the baby, but that unannounced visits are only making things harder for everyone. Their surprise visit might wake up the baby and disrupt their sleep, which can cause more problems for you and your wife.
- Clear communication is key. First, discuss the issue openly with your wife, and then call her parents to come over for a conversation. Make it clear that both of you want to have a good relationship with them, but that you simply cannot get used to constant, casual visits.
Tell them that every family has different customs and habits, and that they’ll now simply have to respect you and your wife’s rules. Of course, try to keep the tone of the conversation calm and friendly.
- Set specific times in the day or week for their visits and make the most out of them.
Family time should be enjoyable and relaxing, not just another chore that adds to the stress of everyday life. So, next time you meet, make sure you all have a good time.
Setting specific days of the week, for example, like Sundays at lunchtime to hang out, can be beneficial for everyone. This can help you and your wife prepare for the visit and feel more relaxed, which will also make your in-laws feel more welcomed.
- If they drop by unannounced again, simply don’t answer the door. They will hopefully learn the lesson and notify you next time they’re planning on coming over to your place.
Do you get along with your in-laws? Would you be angry with them if you were in a similar situation, and how would you resolve the conflict?
Bright Side/Family & kids/A Man Confronts His In-Laws for Constantly Showing Up Unannounced and Causes a Fiery Reaction