It’s the dead center of July, otherwise known as a logical time for a vacation for so many. Are you in Europe? I’m sensing a lot of you are, judging from Instagram and my own hang-ups. Or maybe you went to a beach somewhere closer to home. A nice lake? Did you pack a cooler of cold ones and play an exhilarating game of chicken with the sun? I’m sure it was diverting, or it will be diverting, or it is right now as we speak. Congratulations on taking time for yourself!
It’s just—well, hm. It’s not a yacht in the Mediterranean, is it? You’re not exactly floating along some horizon line, a buoyant mansion with a full staff below your feet? Every need and whim met, and a cool ocean surrounding you for when you need to feel refreshed and new? Not that your vacation has to be yacht-based! The Outer Banks coastline, Lake Michigan, and sunny California are still pretty fun. They’re just not technically a yacht.
Maybe this is a bad moment to tell you this, but I think you already sensed it anyway: Elon Musk is on a yacht. Or he was very recently. He’s taking a break from his Twitter entanglement and also from raising the small population that he’s so keen on producing to float along unperturbed in the sunny clime of Mykonos (that’s Greece!). He’s with a “mystery woman” and a bunch of other guys.
So yeah, Musk, the richest one, is having a nice time. But that has nothing to do with you! You can still have your little vacation and relax! It’s not like Musk is the only guy on a boat. Leonardo DiCaprio and his blood brother Tobey Maguire were doing their own thing last week on the French Riviera. There are photos of both DiCaprio catching rays on a boat and the two actors Jet Skiing.
That’s probably not news to you either. DiCaprio seems to be on a yacht more than he’s off of one. It stands to reason that at any time of year, no matter what’s going on for him or in the world more generally, DiCaprio is on a yacht, about to get on a yacht, or getting his land legs back having just disembarked from a yacht—and Maguire is often right there with him.
So okay, DiCaprio, Maguire, and Musk are having really good vacations, and that’s great. We’re happy for them! I just think I need a little distance between their vacations and my own this summer. Maybe we’re looking at all the wrong things in all the wrong places. There have to be more paparazzi photos around here somewhere showing stars being more relatable.
Ah, here we go. Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson are sharing a paddleboard in the Adriatic. Instead of springing for two vehicles, they’ve gone with one. It doesn’t even require fuel. Just two boys sitting crisscross applesauce on a simple board and taking it all in.
This is the people’s yacht. A more environmentally friendly flotilla. The outing has the makings of a buddy comedy I would probably pay money to see in a theater sometime in the middle of August, when it’s worth it just for the air conditioning.
As Harrelson told Ellen DeGeneres on her show recently, he was in the South of France at Bono’s in 2018, and that kind of trip is an annual thing. “I take a ‘friendship tour’ pretty much every year. I thought about calling it a ‘bender where I leech off my rich friends,’ but I thought, No, friendship tour! You just go, stay at their house, drink oblivious, great!”
Now, that’s relatable. Thank God for Harrelson, really, and his humble little position in life on the back of a paddleboard. Finally I can relax. No need to stress that everyone is hanging out on a yacht without me, ha ha!
Wait, what’s this? Per the Daily Mail, Harrelson and McConaughey are in Croatia with Sacha Baron Cohen, Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich, Chris Rock, and their partners? “After initially spending a few days in the Croatian peninsula of Istria, McConaughey joined Harrelson and his friends aboard a luxury yacht on Friday.”